… and why the most active way to help someone requires no action at all.

Posted Sep 04, 2015        Nancy Colier LCSW, Rev.

Most couples come to see me to learn better communication skills—or at least that’s what they say in the first session. What gets described as communication problems, however, are in fact usually listening problems.

The truth is, we’re not very good listeners; we don’t know (and are not taught) how to listen to each other, at least not in a manner that truly nourishes us on a deep and spiritual level, and makes us feel heard, understood, or loved. We know how to listen from the head, but not from the heart.

And yet being deeply listened to is the experience that human beings most crave and need.

If there is one ingredient that determines whether or not a relationship will be successful, that…